”Twas the night before implementation and all through the house,
not a program was working not even in browse.
The programmer’s all hung by their tubes in despair,
with hopes that a miracle soon would be there.
The users were nestled all snug in their beds,
while visions of inquiries danced in their heads.
When out by the mainframes there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter.
And what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a systems programmer, with a case of cold beer!
His ‘JCL’ lustered, his ‘BAL’ how it shimmered;
and his ‘COMMAND CICS’, oh how it glimmered.
His resume glowed with experience so rare,
He turned out great code with a bit-pusher’s flair.
More rapid than eagles, his programs they came,
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name.
LOAD UPDATE! ADD! INQUIRY! DELETE!
All BATCH JOBS! FILE CLOSINGS! all FUNCTIONS COMPLETE!
His eyes were glazed over, fingers nimble and lean,
From weekends and nights in front of a screen.
A wink of an eye and a twist of his head,
Soon let me know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Turning spec’s into code; this guy was no jerk.
As he laid his finger upon the ‘ENTER’ key,
The system came up and worked perfectly.
The UPDATES updated; The DELETES, they deleted;
The INQUIRIES inquired, and FILE CLOSINGS completed.
He tested each whistle, and he tested each bell.
With nary an ‘ABEND’; all had gone well.
The system was finished, the tests were concluded.
With even the user’s last changes included.
And the users exclaimed with a snarl and a taunt,
"It’s just what I asked for, but not what I want!"